Today's RLJC took place entirely inside my head. (What? You don't talk to yourself when you're bored?) I was in a local Raley's, trying to distribute little cups of off-brand breakfast cereal. People don't get excited about real Corn Chex, so you can imagine how thrilled they were about this knock-off variety.
Customers blew past me as if I was invisible. It was like I was begging for food, instead of giving it away. This happens whenever my supervisor assigns me a boring demo product. I don't take it personally, but it means the shift drags on forever because there's no chance of a distracting conversation. Except in my own head, as follows:
Bored me: I can't believe I have to stand here for 5 more hours.
Vegan me: I can't believe the store manager put me in the meat aisle. Not only do I have to stand here for 5 more hours, but I have to stare at plastic-wrapped packages of sausage and bacon. So gross.
Bored me: Those packages of chorizo are upside down. That is making me crazy. I can't stare at that for 5 hours. I have to go flip them right side up.
Vegan me: Are you serious? You're going to face the meat aisle? Why? So more customers will buy the pretty dead animals?
Bored me: I don't condone eating meat. It's just annoying to look at. Here, just let me put them back. [Fixes chorizo display and runs back to post.]
Vegan me: I cannot believe you just did that. Did you learn nothing from all those PETA videos we watched in college? Meat is murder.
Bored me: I know. I won't do it anymore. I'll just stand here and let people ignore me and my cereal and I... Agggh! That lady just put the bacon back on the wrong shelf.
Vegan me: Don't go fix it. Don't!
Bored me: I can't help it! [Replaces bacon and straightens hot links.] It was all out of order.
Vegan me: When I get off work, I'm researching OCD on the internet.
Bored me: Right after multiple personality disorder.
Vegan me: Right.
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