For the men: I completely understand why you don't use the bathrooms at the bars here. Pit toilets are hard enough to negotiate when you're sober. So by all means, head out to the beach to pee. Just remember to head waaaaaaaay out. Those bar lights are much brighter than you think they are. I saw three of you draining your geckos during one seaside dining experience, which was hardly the oceanfront ambiance I was seeking.
Also, I think we can blame Survivor for this trend, but I must tell you that - unless you are competing for $1 million on American television using only your wits - boxer briefs are not bathing suits. Seriously, all that thin, saggy, wet fabric is doing your package no favors. I can't believe I am saying this, but even a Speedo would be more flattering. Invest in some board shorts and watch your life change.
Now ladies: On busy afternoons, I know it looks like the parking lot of a Phish concert out here, so it's easy to get confused, but please remember you are in India. Conservative India. When Indian women go swimming, notice how they are wearing knee-length shorts and long-sleeved shirts. The Goans are kind enough to tolerate our less-modest Western dress on their beaches, but there's really no reason to strip off all your clothes and go running down the sand screaming 'Wooooooo!' with everything your mama gave you bouncing in the breeze. We get it. You're on vacation. You're a free spirit. But you're making the entire Western world look like a den of sin, so go put on a T-shirt.
For the barkeeps: Enough with "Hotel California." Even if we go along with the popular assumption that most people like the Eagles (which I personally find hard to believe), there is no more depressing song to play for travelers far from home in a neo-Bohemian environment.
Seriously, can you think of one? What's that? Pink Floyd's "Hey You." You're right. Pull that one from your playlist too, please.
And thank you.
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